Twenty Thirteen

Fall and winter had some of the roughest yet joyous moments I have endured after three previous months of blissfulness. The beginning of fall was entertaining and eventful. I went to a couple of concerts, I attended an event, and one of my good girlfriends came from Virginia to visit me. There were some birthday celebrations, along with a few out-of-town trips and extreme sight seeing. I visited new cities which had some damn delicious restaurants lol. There was also intellectual conversations and laughter with some great people. I met a few new people along my way too.

Weeks prior to winter approaching I wasn’t feeling like “my” normal self, my moods would be off-balance and I would alternate from happy, sad, mad, angry, anxious, irritated, restless, etc. At first I didn’t pay too much attention to it because I’ve been experiencing this since my youth. I just used to deal with it and proceed. However, this time around it was a little more excessive. The moods would change more rapidly, I wouldn’t be able to sleep well at night, and my heart would race along with my thoughts. This could not go on any longer I thought to myself, because I truly felt as though I was starting to slowly lose my sanity. So I decided to see a psychiatrist. How ironic? Uh I think not.

Sweet November came and I had met with a psychologist; she was pleasant and we had quite a few sessions. In December she referred me to a psychiatrist, she was fairly nice and definitely on point with what she was telling me about myself. I kind of already knew most of the things she stated, however she did have newer and eye-opening information. After a session with her she diagnosed me with PTSD (Post-traumatic Stress Disorder). Receiving that information had me in wonder, confusion, rejection, and disbelief. I mean I can see where she’s coming from but then again maybe I was/am in denial at the same time. She prescribed medication for me (Citalopram and Divalproex). I took them for a bit then stopped because they made me feel ill. I’m not too sure yet if I’ll start taking them again. We’ll see.

Tis’ the season! The holidays came and went! Now Lets back track to the month of November where we have Thanksgiving (yum). We had Thanksgiving at my parents house and I invited one of my girlfriends over and her two young boys. My girlfriend was and currently is going through a very difficult and trying time in her life. It was only right and natural for me to try to be there for her and her two boys. Thanksgiving was terrific! Her little boys played with my younger brother and I did her hair & make-up lol. We danced, listened to spanish music and ate until we had food babies! 🙂 we had a blast. Later on that night I went over my cousin’s house and spent time them.

Dear December how could you be so bittersweet!? The beginning of the month mainly had to deal with meetings and sessions with the docs. Shortly after was finals week. I passed the semester, go me! Then right in the middle of December is where bitterness was born. My heart was broken, like shattered. The situation in my eyes was disgracious, hurtful, devastating, humiliating, aching, and yet there are still so many words and emotions on how I feel about the situation that I’m not even going to express. Nonetheless did I die? No. But it was sad. In spite of all this I choose not to go into further detail about what the situation is. Maybe when I cross and burn that bridge but for right now somewhere deep within me it’s still robust and vigorous. Soon after, the next day rather; I found out my grandma was admitted to the hospital.

Christmas Eve I had an epiphany. So cliché? Whatever, I really did though. I awoke that morning feeling superb, energetic and full of life (was it a manic stage? Maybe) I decided to stop and let go of everything that I could physically, mentally, and emotionally let go of. As for the rest of the problems and worries AKA “Shit” weighing me down I prayed for the strength, energy, and guidance that I will need in order to fully let go.
Anywho, the result of waking up in such a great mood and feeling awesome ended with a nice hair cut from the salon, a few new outfits, and a laptop (hey it’s all about the healing process right?) lol 😉

Christmas day! I had a little late start due to some heavily holiday celebrating on Christmas eve, smh. I know. But it was fun though! I had made it to two houses some time after 6pm to drop off gifts and to see my loves. First stop was to my grandmas house, she was out of the hospital alive and well. I gave her her gift she blessed me and also said a prayer for me. There at my grandmas house I seen my little cousin and I gave her her gifts as well, she drew me a picture; she’s silly I love her. My second and final stop of the night was to my girlfriends house (the friend that I spent thanksgiving with). She cooked and invited me over to have Christmas dinner at her house, little did she know that I had a bundle of gifts for her two boys. I arrive and she was surprised, I mean I know she knew I was going to get them something but I don’t think she knew I was going to go a little “all out”. I also had a gift for her that she had no idea about whatsoever. She was shocked. The kids were super excited, thrilled, and elated as they opened their gifts. At that moment that’s all I wanted and probably needed. The ability of giving is powerful alone but when received by pureness and innocence, it’s priceless. To be able to witness others rejoice in your benevolence is a blessing, is a divine sanction, it is an act of GOD.

^
Between these two paragraphs is where sweetness murdered bitterness. =D

v

Twenty thirteen had its ups, downs, arounds, and back agains. It was one of the most unexpected event filled years. Idk why though. Now when I think about it every year is filled with unexpected events, good, bad, big, small, traumatic, or healing. These events are inevitable. So now instead of focusing on the things I don’t want or planning for a better year I’m just going to wait on it. Sit back, enjoy life more and watch it unfold right in front of me. Whatever events that are designed for me to go through that the universe needs me to experience for me to become who I’m destined to be. I will take it with open arms and embrace it. I will take it for what it’s worth and continue to proceed without any expectations in return. Everything I want and need will come in a form of its own reveling its own realm.

2014 Welcome.

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Here’s a little photo recap…

September

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Macallan Event

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A birthday event I attended for a no longer friend of mine. 🙂

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Alexis’ Birthday Dinner

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October

My Ms. Heidi from VA!

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Manhattan, Brooklyn, Washington Heights,  & Jersey City

SO DAMN DELICIOUS !!

November, Back to NYC 

My little cousins birthday party, my bff came through.

Took the kids out to have some fun.

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Suanice’s Birthday get away, DC! 

THE BIRTHDAY GIRL, WHO I LOVE!

Thanksgiving!!

My pasta salad.. ❤

&& My potato salad ❤

I made everything except the pork!!

My Pud! My new Bf …She’s really great! XO

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DECEMBER 

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Dwights Birthday Dinner

Sampan! Is a must go to!

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Spent time with this precious moments baby! ❤

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My Final painting for my Fine Arts class. …& I passed along with my other classes.

Pre-Christmas lunch with my best girl!

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CHRISTMAS EVE! 

CHRISTMAS DAY!! 

The boys ❤

Her gift 🙂

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NEW YEARS DAY! 2014

We became Aliens ..

Then Frogs …

Back to Aliens lol

I hope after reading this blog you take something positive out of it and apply it to your life. We are all connected in some way, shape, or form. We just all have different stories.  

XO

M ❤